You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Be still, my beating vagina.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
