i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So. Much. Porn.
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