it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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