I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize