Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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