too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
