i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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