I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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