This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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