I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
