I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
