I accidentally had phone sex last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
