we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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