Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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