he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
