I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
