did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
