theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
