her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Farmville is her only friend.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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