it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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