My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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