There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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