omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
