Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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