sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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