Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
