If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
