Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
