Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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