it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
