I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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