If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
