Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we're so committed to being not committed
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