You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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