i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I looked at my own cervix.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
