I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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