I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
