gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
