Apparently you make a good broom.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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