My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
