Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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