I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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