Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
