I need to stop coming to work sober
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
