I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
