i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
