I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
