yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
