My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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