I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize