i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Best friends brother. Beat that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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