I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
