Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
