Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
