I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
