Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
