No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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