one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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