he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
