Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
