for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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