so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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