I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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