We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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