I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!