Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
