Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
