Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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