Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
