I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
