Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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