is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just pee around me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
