When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
