do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
