Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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