I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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