Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You made out with two different species that night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
