it was like eating out sand paper
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
