so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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