I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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