When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
