unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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