Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
