thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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