I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am available for nakedness
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
