I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
