How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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