i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
