how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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